'What Made Your Guy Leave You' - Comedian Ali Baba

This article was written by Ali Baba and published on his Facebook page. It contains some advices about how to keep a guy by your side.

Sometime back, in March, I was advising a babe on how to make a man stay. Some comments posted in reply to my status were that men are only controlled by their third legs, money, yansh, boobs, beauty and ego. I tried to highlight a very serious point that babes were missing.

And that is, EVERYMAN WANTS BETTER. WE DO NOT WANT TO FEEL THE ONE WE LET GO WAS BETTER.

Not too long ago, I read some wild and wide criticism that greeted what Stella Damasus wrote about keeping a man. To some, wrong as they were, Stella had no business telling anyone how to keep a man. I believe she does. I actually think she knows more than she revealed.

Growing up in Ojo cantonment, my Dad and I were walking back from his friend from a soldier in the Education Corp of the Nigerian Army, from Gongola state who had been made a Major. Just as we took a turn, from the officers’ mess, a naked mad man was running towards us from the opposite direction, shouting Mad Man… Mad man… To my surprise, My dad, who was a military man, told us to run for cover. So he dragged me behind a kerosene tank, pushed me to the ground and kept looking to see what the mad man was running from. Meanwhile, some two Fulani men who used to come into the barracks regularly to read palms of anyone who yielded their hands to them, had been walking behind us, before we took cover. They kept walking.

I nearly laughed when I saw them make a u-turn, and took off after the mad man that had run pass us, it now looked like they were chasing the mad man that was shouting ‘Maaaaaad man!’

On the heels of the Fulani palm readers was another mad man, brandishing a UTC cutlass. Not Machete. Cutlass. The type used in felling trees. That type that reminded one of Prince Nico Nbaga’s bell bottom trousers back then. He was swinging the weapon of death as he pursued. It became obvious to us from where we were crouched that the madman had no one in mind as a target. He was after anyone he could lay his eyes on. Because, soon as the Fulani men, vanished at the end of the Block, he gave up on that chase and followed one man selling Festac 77 sleeveless adire. Mr adire seller was actually laughing at the way the Fulani men took to their heels. So, this time I had to laugh when I saw how the amusement on his face changed into fright. He took off and jumped across the gutter by Palmy Bus stop. He continued running even after the machete carrying mad man hand found new targets.

Sorry I digressed. Hope you are still with me.

My Dad later told me a proverb in Urhobo, ‘Avue Odiero, Ne Eki Vhenrhee!’ Which means, ‘you do not need to tell a deaf man that there is chaos and uncontrollable commotion in the market. He can see. That’s all he needs’.

Back to Stella Damasus’ write up. We are not all perfect. That said, when a Musician writes a love song, do you stop listening to the love song or letting the lyrics connect to your relationship because the singer has divorced eight times or has not been able to hold a relationship longer than 3 months? I don’t think so. I think STELLA did well. If you like, go call police.

Back to the hashtag I talked about earlier, #WhatMadeYourGuyLeaveYou. Many ladies missed the point as they always often do. They were talking about how men are polygamous in nature, cheats, irresponsible, not ready for commitment, gigolos, lack ambition, lack self-control, think with their third legs… BLA BLA BLA.

I need to mention at this time, that I was at that time preparing to talk to young ladies who were looking to settle down and finding the right guy. And to tell you the truth, a lot of the ladies missed the whole point by a mile or two. They need to read Stella Damasus’ piece.

It’s easy for a lady to say, a guy was not serious that’s why the relationship broke up. Or to say, he used her and dumped her for another lady. Fine. That is what they think made the guy leave. But to be honest, was that all there was to it?

I would like you to know that, that is not entirely the truth. A guy would always weigh his options. He would want to know if he is getting the best. Or if he can see the best coming soon.

ABEG OOO

Before a lot of ladies eat me raw, let me explain. I do agree that it’s a two way street, but I can only speak for the WAY I HAVE BEEN ON. I AM AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME. I KNOW AND HAVE KNOWN ONLY WOMEN.

Have you as a babe listed some CORE 10 things that you think you have that will make a guy not want to leave you? Do you also have some other unique things that a guy will not get anywhere else? Ok, let’s agree he likes your breast, your bum bum and your soft body. What has any of those got to do with respect, the tone with which you talk to him, showing you are happy to be the one he chose, supporting his dreams… Does he like blowjobs? Do you give him same? Does he like talking? Do you listen? Some girls are funny, they will admit to knowing that the other girl bests them in several departments, yet still say, they don’t know why he moved on to her. Really???

There are several things that makes a man make up his mind that it is you or otherwise. DON’T get it twisted… If he finds out that someone has 15 CORE things that you have only 3 of and even the 3 are sometimes cancelled out by the bad things like nagging, pride, greed…that have formed your character. Your own don set. You are sitting there comparing yourself to someone who has 13 things, more than you and is willing to tolerate his weaknesses and learn more. Yet you are quick to say, you don’t know what he sees in ‘that girl’. Hey girlfriend, your beauty stands nowhere near the towering personality and good heart ‘that girl’ has. Better recognize.

I know I have stepped on that last nerve you have been tolerating me with. OYA delete me. I even need space to add people who tolerate and think like I do.